If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.

Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.