Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.