We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.