The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.