A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.

When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.

A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.