I don't have any ambition.

In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.