I don't have any ambition.

I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.

The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.

If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.