RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.

It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.

My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.