It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.

I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.