I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.

I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.

We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!