Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.

It is better to be idle than employed in ill.

In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.