Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.