I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.

He that searches for praise will often find contempt.

Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.