I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.

He that searches for praise will often find contempt.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.