Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.

In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.

Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.

There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."

If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.

[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.