You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.

We advise others better than ourselves.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.