It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.

It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.

I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.