It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.

Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.

They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.