There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.