Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

I don't do much. I'm too lazy. That's my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn't effect my lifestyle a bit really.