I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.

Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.

Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.