I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a great deal; but those of elegance and charm generally know the perfection of their external graces so well, that they seem to covet that flattery most which heightens the opinion of their wit and judgment.

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.

I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.