Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.

Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.

I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.