Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.

Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.

We are happy at the respect others pay our favorites, because we consider it a lively confirmation of our own choice, and as so much homage reflected on ourselves.

It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.