There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.