The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity; but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.