When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.

I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.

Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.

There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."

Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.