I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.

A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.

Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.

A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.