A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.

A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.