Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.

I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.

Ever see this? It's a homeless guy but he's got a dog... The dog's really thrilled with this idea. The dog's going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.

In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.