Ever see this? It's a homeless guy but he's got a dog... The dog's really thrilled with this idea. The dog's going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.

The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.

Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!

Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.

I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.