There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."

If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.

[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.