There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."

I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.