We advise others better than ourselves.

I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.

I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.