We advise others better than ourselves.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.

They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?