They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity; but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.

I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

I completely understand why a businessman would fire me from 'Saturday Night Live'. Because he was seeing Jay Leno kill 10 minutes a night, doing his monologue with wall-to-wall laughs and applause, then I do 10 minutes a week to, sometimes, breathtaking silence. He's just listening for the laughs.

You can't love your team without hating another team.

Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.