In the world of mules there are no rules.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.

Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!