A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them.

People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when ... People watch with unshocked eyes; But the old men know when an old man dies.

So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else.

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.