Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

You are much happier when you are happy than when you ain't.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up.