There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.