Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.

When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up.

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

The doctor gets you when you're born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.

But all ladies think they weigh too much.