All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.