[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.