An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.

When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.