It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

So little time and so little to do.

An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.