If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

In the wake of Animal House, the stock briefly and quite wrongly shot up. So I love that movie.

A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're getting too much exercise and not enough cocktails.

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.