Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.

In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job.

I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a wonderful personality" really means something. But I couldnt figure out a polite way to ask.

The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic City and let them lose all their missiles playing Keno.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.