The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18.

Especially with a magazine like Lampoon, which was very dependent on newsstand sales. Our readers didn't usually occupy the same address long enough to get a subscription, because they were in college, or they were hippies. So it was very up-and-down, and we had to calculate how many to print, which was always sort of a headache from a business point of view.