The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average.

It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation.

Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.