Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive.

I always thought there was some romance to that '30s leftist stuff, even though I'm a Republican.

I spent almost 25 years as a foreign correspondent, and the world's primary problem is poverty.

God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

Lampoon was exactly the opposite. The work was a lot of fun, but the office environment was hell. You cannot put 20 humorists together.

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."