I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

I couldn't have gotten into Harvard with a crowbar.

From National Lampoon, you go directly to Saturday Night Live, because it's a lot of the same people.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public entity gets bigger.