Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship.

I didn't see any NRA officials killing babies in Waco.

The Greenpeace booth at all the rock and roll shows nowadays are akin to the old sorcerers who used to stand in the middle of villages warning of danger, 'When night wolf swallows mother moon, there will be great famine.'

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one wear it? And what slogan is apropos? Perhaps that slogan can be sewn in needlepoint around the ruffle on a cover for my embarrassing little doughnut buttocks pillow.

Politicians are wonderful people as longa as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.