I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.