It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.
Pat PaulsenThe federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
Pat PaulsenI want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
Pat PaulsenActually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.
Pat PaulsenI read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
Pat PaulsenWe've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
Pat PaulsenCensorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.
Pat PaulsenIn opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.
Pat PaulsenThey said I ignored the drug problem. Well, I gave speeches on drugs, I wrote books on drugs. I did darn near everything on drugs!
Pat PaulsenSo I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
Pat PaulsenMarijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them.
Pat PaulsenWhy should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.
Pat PaulsenMany of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing any man to be my running mate. I'm going to reach in and grab a woman!
Pat PaulsenI must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.
Pat PaulsenI came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
Pat PaulsenAssuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
Pat PaulsenIn conclusion, you can see that there is a place for censors and we only wish that we could tell you where it is.
Pat PaulsenOnly 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
Pat PaulsenWhy should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.
Pat PaulsenI'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!
Pat Paulsen