It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-and possibly teh bogey man.

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.