It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.

Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.