It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.