So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.

I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.

Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.