The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.

I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them.

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.