It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.

Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!